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i saw the battle of the century i saw eddie fight with the cops said he could hear the whispering and he was begging for them to make it stop and i heard screaming down the hall watched the security guards come out with their tasers drawn watched from the couch so fucked up on meds i didn't give it a second thought then he came back from the north wing suspiciously calm walked over to me at the chess board said if he could beat me i could have his juice box i beat everyone at the psych ward everyone who would dare to play had a lot of juice boxes that day i beat everyone in the psych ward became a legend in that moment and when i left they called me psych ward chess champion.
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2. |
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everyone's a liar even when they tell the truth and i'm not holding my breath anymore six thousand six hundred ninety-nine dollars that's what they're keeping me alive for in the back of a cop car with my blue scrubs on on the was to the psych ward said i was too fucked up said i was spiraling out said i had to many guns in my drawers but i am a threat so you should treat me like that keep your distance at least find me crying in the corner head in my hands watching revenge of the sith on dvd said i'm a blank slate baby with nothing to lose and it finally happened i'm wearing lace-less shoes but no one will visit just like my prediction in 2019 in the bridge of overreaction said i could move to maine maybe start a cult maybe buy a house maybe keep it cold in the winter i'm saving money i am thinking a lot i am doing the research i am comin in hot and i am talking again crying a whole lot less cuz when you wanna die they give you medicine but something is stuck in my throat something is choking me out guess i've lived a little longer than i was allowed something is stuck in my throat and i am gasping for air guess i've lived a little longer and i was unprepared.
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3. |
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we could get tacos at the taco truck talk about 9/11 skateboard through the arroyo and get a chicken sandwich we could build some bunk beds and pretend like nothing ever happened we could live off the land and only eat frosted flakes and ramen i wanna get stoned tonight but i have a drug test drive fast but i have a warrant get drunk but i'm on some new meds now well fuck it cuz they would never find out so pull the trigger make me happy for once i'll be blowing off steam in the alley after lunch i'll do some whip its in the back of your car cuz if you're gunna go you better go hard [solo] i wanna get stoned tonight but i have a drug test drive fast but i have a warrant get drunk but i'm on some new meds now well fuck it cuz they would never find out.
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4. |
butterfly knives
01:43
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i feel absurd absurdly bored dada-like too mature for all the things i like to do butterfly knives and huffing glue and i feel strange strangely sick sick and tired tired of this the vertigo the dizziness the breathing hard the medicine but i feel weird weirdly ok god cigarettes and coffee without the god with the devil without the cigs guess i'll have to settle for the juul and i feel grand invincible i cant die cuz i'm immortal forever good and doing wrong not aware i'm fuckin up but in group we talked a lot and we analyzed the things we needed to cut out so we could get on with out lives you said some really mean things while i was in the hospital some really mean things while i was dying i said some really mean things before i got better well at least i tried.
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5. |
patch notes
00:54
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i don't wanna talk now i don't wanna do this i just want a flip phone cuz i'm on your shit list i don't wanna hurt you i just wanna hurt if i said don't call me i would still probably answer i don't wanna talk now i don't wanna play this i just wanna sit here and wallow in the sadness if i had a friend here we could maybe hang out maybe sit in silence or talk about the patch notes.
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6. |
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two days phoneless got no messages two days smokeless now i'm picking up the pieces i am buzzed i am stoned i am jobless and i am broke and i am angry but mostly sad and i'm alone but im happy about that i get played i'm so simple i'm so gullible and evil and i am sick i'm sick as fuck watch out world i'm comin after ya.
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7. |
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i showed up to the function unreasonably drunk i was begging for attention dead set on fucking up i figured i could lose my job and i could wreck my life i dont think any self destruction is as beautiful as mine not holding out for a hero or any new medication not scared of dying you said i need a vacation and i said just like a great white if i stop now i think think i’ll cut again drink till i pass out just like a great white if i dont keep goin on i'm gunna drop dead dissapoint everyone i showed up to the function unreasonably early figured i’d sober up if i had kept hiding but people tend to care more than i actually want i’d be dead this past wednesday overdosed and fuckin done not holding out for a hero or anyone to help me out no ill never need a side kick i swear that i can help myself just like a great white i’ll be going on my way i have like 7 rows of teeth and i'm here to intimidate just like a great white i think im better off alone cuz if i kill myself and people are mad ill never know but like a great white i try to not care but like a great white im actually scared and like a great white
i wanna kill shit i wanna hurt you i'm feeling violent and like a great white i wanna kill shit i wanna hurt you i'm feeling violent
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8. |
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julian jaymes said it best when he said you got a bicameral mind i wrote the epic of gilgamesh i bet you don’t know that’s how long i've been alive
put on the god helmet and try ur best to stimulate the pineal gland sooner or later i’ll get turned on to this old testament type of revenge julian jaymes sad it best when he claimed that you gt a bicameral mind double brain mother fucker i bet you’re glad youre alive julian jaymes said it best when he said you got a bicameral mind listen to the god that is talking to you cuz he thinks it time you are jason and jack and micheal and freddy
you are jigsaw and pinhead and leatherface you are hannibal lecter and norman bates you are the candy man and everyone that they hate and i bet you feel so tired so down and out so ready to get your revenge so ready to pull their guts out alien predator jack torrence chucky pennywise slender man frankenstien dracula and ghost face patrick batement everyone that they hate and i bet you feel tired so beaten up ready to get your revenge ready to fuck em up
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9. |
plastic explosives
03:19
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we are diet coke and mentos we are baking soda and vinegar we are plastic and explosives a bunch of things that shouldn't go together but if you could find a better way to self destruct let me know what you find i'll try anything once we are ketchup on a hotdog we are any kind of mustard but dijon and i don't get happy unless i'm on medication but if i could find a better way to destroy myself i'll write down the directions and put them on ehow we are romeo and juliet just a little less dramatic we are joel and we are clementine just a little more separate but if you could find a better way to self destruct give me the instructions i'll try anything once we are diet coke and mentos we are baking soda and vinegar we are plastic and explosives a bunch of things that shouldn't go together.
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10. |
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we’ll i'm a little bitter i'm a little bitter sweet i'm feeling like a failure but maybe you're doing worse than me i'm a little upset imma dwell on this i'm gunna stew for days until i cant get over it but it was halloween 2018 and i was smoking cigarettes got yelled at in the basement in front of all of your friends never saw that as shitty cuz you were too fucked up maybe you apologized but if you did then i forgot i could name a lot of times i was the butt end of a shit joke hiding in the kitchen just wanting to go home driving back and forth between the taco bell on high way 16 always paying for it now that i'm not look at my savings sure i hit the psych ward
and sure i'm fucking broke but id prefer that to being made fun of and being allowed to be alone my roommate notices the signs the asking for permission i dont know if he hates me or if he hurts the same way i did
we’ll im a little bitter i'm a little bitter sweet i'm feeling like a failure but maybe you're doing worse than me i'm a little upset imma dwell on this i'm gunna stew for days until i cant get over it.
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11. |
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did you think the cops would really do shit if i wanted to do it i would do it and i didnt think about doing it till now never thought that you would actually hate me but its good to see some overestimating about how many guts i have and my ability to use them but i am a wildcard and you don't like that i stared god in the face and god couldn’t look back at the monster he created that is wielding a .45 but this is a warning to all of you fucks
all of your friends everyone that you love this is my reckoning ill be
covered in blood find me in the bathroom lips sewed shut did you think the cops could really do shit did you think a phone call could stop a bullet
flying through the air and doing all manner of damage little suspicious that you’re acting like this a guilty conscious never feels to righteous but now i am a god and i think that day of judgement’s comin but i am a wildcard and you don't like that i stared god in the face and god couldn’t look back
and the mess that i was sitting in while i was eating breakfast but this is a warning to all of you fucks all of your friends everyone that you love this is my reckoning ill be covered in blood find me in the bathroom lips sewed shut but thank you for your support you know it really means a lot i hope that your support can pay the rent this month but thank you for your support you know it really means a lot i hope that your support can pay the rent this month.
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12. |
not a shit life
03:15
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i got friends by the dumpster and they’re much cooler than yours they don’t worry about much save what to eat for dinner they still smoke in the bathroom they still steal from the store and i'm happy to have found them they make life simpler i got friends on my phone now sometimes i wish they werent i wish they were close but they're still cooler than yours i'm doing alright but sometimes when i'm not they’re just one phone call away remind me i'm not all i got now i'm finding support in the strangest of places it’ll be nice having a job where i'm not alone i’m finding support that doesn’t feel abusive that actually cares and picks up their phone its just a shit day not a shit life maybe a shit month but we’ll be all right just a shit year but if we hang tight i’ll see everyone again but this time this time i’ll be better i got friends by the dumpster and they never leave they don’t take jobs in cities where they won’t see me they still drive way too fast and they still run from the cops we all find solace in each other while working the shittiest jobs now i'm finding support in the strangest of places it’ll be nice having a job where i'm not alone i’m finding support that doesn’t feel abusive that actually cares and picks up their phone its just a shit day not a shit life maybe a shit month but we’ll be all right just a shit year but if we hang tight i’ll see everyone again but this time this time its just a shit day not a shit life maybe a shit month but we’ll be all right just a shit year but if we hang tight i’ll see everyone again but this time this time its just a shit day not a shit life maybe a shit month but we’ll be all right just a shit year but if we hang tight i’ll see everyone again but this time this time i'll be better.
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