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Portales

by HappyHappy

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1.
she's just a bratty little rich kid she went to Richmond see her talking to that dick well that's her boyfriend and I can't stand this any longer I am going out of my mind everyone wants to be your best friend when they find out that you're running out of time everyone you know is leaving you behind to wallow in the dust storms and the snow the meteor show glow of the sunrise on the desert see the hole in the fence where the cat slips through see the empty beer cars that my neighbors threw into my yard before they moved back to Santa Fe I'll move up to the mountains make less than minimum wage working six days a week for eight hours a day everyone you know is leaving you behind to try and make new friends but they won't be like your old friends no, they'll probably be much cooler than us you won't find us around here anymore cuz everyone moved three hours away maybe when you graduate you'll move up to Denver then everything will be the same everyone you know is leaving you behind to wallow in the dust storms and the snow the meteor show glow of the sunrise on the desert
2.
well I was seventeen and she was eighteen she bought me cigarettes and pipes then I turned eighteen, I didn't need her so we said our goodbyes then I was nineteen and you were twenty-one you bought me thirty packs of PBR but I'm still twenty so I still need you but you're so very far if I could say one thing to you it would be please come home cuz I've drank too much tonight I don't wanna be alone I was your go-to you were my leafy greens you kept me healthy when I didn't wanna be and now without you here there's a pack of camel crush on my coffee table if I could say one thing to you it would be please come home cuz I've got this ounce of weed I don't wanna be alone but I know you're off to bigger and better things just don't forget about Ryan and me I know you're off to better things and I'll be twenty she'll still be eighteen she'll have to fight on her own but you can't make her scream hallelujah unless you leave her alone if I could say one thing to you it would be I'm coming home but I've driven too long tonight on the same goddamn road but I know you're off to bigger and better things just don't forget about you and me I know you're off to better things
3.
no one's ever got the money no one's ever got the time they're all stuck staring at brick walls practicing their line and I'm afraid that all their futures will be all too bleak I'm scared for my friend's futures and I'm scared for me but I see you shiver from the cold in the desert have another blanket now have another drink cuz getting fucked up's easy when you feel like you'll never get to see your family or friends, reach your dreams but I swear on my life that I won't let this be the last time I go to bed and wake up feeling worse but everyone around is getting angrier and bitter sometimes I think it's better that I'm just a temporary curse on you I seem to never have the money feel I never have the time I'm always looking for a way out I'm always scared and getting high and I'm afraid to go three months clean I'm scared I'll get too angry I'm scared I'll get too mean but I see you shiver from the cold in the mountains have another blanket have another drink cuz getting fucked up's easy when you're not around your friends and now you're feeling so alone thanks to me but I swear on my life that I won't let this be the last time I go to bed and wake up feeling worse than last night I'm always getting angry, I'm always feeling bitter I just need to find a cure when I come home you lay in bed say nothing say it all I'm a joke but everything is spinning by the end of my shower trip and stumble to find my way home getting used to leaving more comfortable than staying the only real life I have is hiding in these notes I play to talk about the feeling that I never feel like talking about now I think I've said too much I think I'd better go but I swear on my life that I'll let this be the last time I go to bed and wake up feeling oh so sad and I'll stop getting angry stop proving my mom right leave them all behind and find you and me a home
4.
if you deliver pizza on the north side of town chances are you're not gunna get tipped cuz people who are living on the north side of town they all live paycheck to paycheck but you just ordered fifty dollars of pizza you can afford to give me a dollar you just bought five seventy-five cent cups of ranch and I can see the money in your wallet so don't forget to tip your delivery driver especially if it's raining or there's snow cuz we delivery drivers are a vengeful bunch and we know where you call home so don't forget to tip your delivery driver especially if it's raining or there's snow cuz we delivery drivers are a vengeful bunch and we know where you call home
5.
everything in its right place everyone that I left behind to swallow their pride and they choke and die and asphyxiate do you know CPR cuz I don't I was born in the mountains next to the big white Y everything after that turned into a status sign they called you a savior they called you brave said you could have it all if you just stayed in place and what happens next you won't believe your eyes I threw it all in the trash so I could say fuck sometimes said you'd do it all anything the good lord asks so you could have it all six kids and land and now I'm moving I'm packing up my things I'll buy a new car and stop whining and I thought you'd be doing so much better than you're doing right now with prying eyes, I will refresh the page see your faith is slowing you down so go and marry taylor tanner go and serve your god and I will be standing here for you when you realize you're all that you got everything in its right place everyone that I left behind to swallow their pride and they choke and die and asphyxiate do you know CPR cuz I don't
6.
I'm gunna buy a gun I'm gunna fill it with everything I think I know being in love and being free and I'm gunna put it to my head I'm gunna wish that I had died in a car crash earlier this week but I'm gunna drive up the west coast I'm gunna get all Bonnie and Clyde I will sit in the driver's seat and you will sit in the passenger's side I feel my eyelids getting heavy as the drugs kick in I'll tell everyone to leave and go play playstation cuz it's too damn hard to try and figure out if I'm a total fucking dick or if I'm just screaming my lungs out for nothing for nothing at all for nothing for nothing at all I wanna go up to the mountain I wanna get closer to god if god is lots of acoustic guitars and weed but I think I'm scheduled to go home and I'm gunna wish that I had died in a plane crash later this week but I'm gunna fly up the midwest I'm gunna get all flight ninety-three and I will watch as the cities grow smaller in the pleasant view from the window seat I feel my eyelids getting heavy as the drugs kick in but the plane is taking off so I'll just strap on in cuz it's too damn hard to try and figure out if the xanax is kicking in or if my nerves are kicking out of my head of my head of my head of my head
7.
I'm scared of my future I'm scared of my life I have this vision that I'm working in a gas station in Oregon minimum wage until I die it's like middle school to high school all over again I'd better buy new shoes so I can make new friends but every three years its the same old game I'm the quiet kid in a brand new place it'll take six months for me to make friends it'll take six more for me to even like them I'm ashamed of the present I'm ashamed of the past cuz I've done things that I shouldn't have done and at the time I didn't think they were all that bad but everyone is moving forward I am feeling left behind I am afraid of becoming my mother more than double half the time but every three years its the same old game I'm the quiet kid in a brand new place it'll take six months for me to make friends it'll take six more for me to even like them time's up I'm just a snapchat story to you I know that I don't belong here I'll fade into the background by the time you forget about senior year I'm scared of the future long after I'm dead will you remember these songs will you remember these books the only memory of went on in my head but everyone is moving forward I am feeling left behind I am afraid of becoming my father every time I look in his eyes but every three years its the same old game I'm the quiet kid in a brand new place it'll take six months for me to make friends it'll take six more for me to even like them time's up I'm just a snapchat story to you I know that I don't belong here I'll fade into the background by the time you forget about senior yeartime's up I'm just a snapchat story to you I know that I don't belong here I'll fade into the background by the time you forget about senior year
8.
every so often I get this strange feeling it feels like a needle piercing my neck at the base where my head meets my shoulder and I'm growing older I'm getting more mature I will leave this high school ghost town behind leave it in my rear view mirror everyone I know will move up northwest and talk mad shit about the town I am living in and I will lose contact with everyone I know like Garret and Jared and Justin Breese and honestly, it's making me happier than I ever though possible I thought I left high school on broad street looks like it followed me home sideways glances talk shit get hit he said she said, cheater secret sideways glances talk shit get hit he said she said, cheater secret you're the gossip queen petty princess of everything no one cared about but they listen so closely I was mr. mean I only did you wrong sang songs about it and put them on youtube and facebook and twitter and soundcloud screamed them at parties way too loud and everyone I know will stay in town and talk mad shit about the things I am singing and I will lose contact with everyone I know like Christine and Steven and Justin Breese and honestly, it's making me happier than I ever though possible I thought I left high school on broad street looks like it followed me home sideways glances talk shit get hit he said she said, cheater secret sideways glances talk shit get hit he said she said, cheater secret everything is turning into scream one two and three different plot different characters but the same basic ending everything is turning into scream one two and three different plot different character but the same basic ending everything is turning into scream one two and three different plot different character but the same basic ending everything is turning into scream one two and three different plot different character but the same basic ending the shaman of drinking my middle school crush the way that I laugh when I'm doing drugs and I know you'll never leave me the stupidest reasons are the reasons I cry but I held my tears when my papa died and I know you'll never leave me the shaman of drinking my middle school crush the way that I laugh when I'm doing drugs and I know you'll never leave me the stupidest reasons are the reasons I cry but I held my tears when my papa died and I know you'll never leave me the shaman of drinking my middle school crush the way that I laugh when I'm doing drugs and I know you'll never leave me the stupidest reasons are the reasons I cry but I held my tears when my papa died and I know you'll never leave me the shaman of drinking my middle school crush the way that I laugh when I'm doing drugs and I know you'll never leave me the stupidest reasons are the reasons I cry but I held my tears when my papa died and I know you'll never leave me

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released May 15, 2017

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HappyHappy Indianapolis, Indiana

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